The 30 Day Mom Challenge

I found this on fellow CMOTC mom Carrie H's site - My Favorite Finds (by the way, if you haven't checked her site out yet, you really need to!). It's a 30 Day Mom Challenge and I LOVE it! Each day for 30 days it gives you something to focus on, think about, do for your child, and so on.

Life is so crazy busy now and days, and I sometimes find myself too caught up in it and forget some of the things on this list. I have found that reading these each day has helped me to remember these important things. Knowing I am probably not alone, I thought I would share with all of you as well. Thank you Carrie for finding this gem!

You can download a copy of this challenge at IMOM.com.

Internet, Cell Phones and Gaming - How to Keep Your Children Safe

With all the technology available to our children now and days, a frequent worry for many parents is how to keep their children safe from harm while using them. Below are a few great sites that discuss key items to teach your children when on the internet, cell phone or when using a gaming console. These sites also have safe games for young children and give tips to teens. All three of these sites have parent and/or family pledges/contracts on use of the internet or gaming, as well as tips for parents (and teens) on identifying if your child is being targeted by a bully or predator. Many of these sites also have newsletters, containing tips and latest news on such matters, that you can sign up to receive via email.

www.ikeepsafe.org On this site, in the D.A.R.E. activity center within the Parent's Resource Center, D.A.R.E. America and iKeepSafe.org have teamed up to create 14 simple activities that teach important internet safety principles to children ages four to ten years of age. Included are some internet use checklists for children and families.

www.safekids.com Has a family contract for on-line safety and has a child safe search engine (which filters using Google's safesearch filter).

www.safeteens.com Discusses many on-line and cell phone tips for teens.

getgamesmart.com Has a Get Game Smart Pledge where, as a family, you can promise to talk about rules for video games, TV shows and the Web, and about making responsible choices for each. It also shows you how to set up the parental controls on Xbox, Windows Vista and Windows 7.

www.connectsafely.org Discusses how to prevent or spot sexting, cyber bullying and grooming, as well as tips for safe cell phone and chat room tips for teens. It also has social web tips for teens and their parents.

Do you know of any other really good sites? Do you have your own child or family contract? Please share your on-line, gaming and cell phone safety resources and practices.

The good enough mother

At times, we all struggle with parenting. We wonder how we are doing as a parent or maybe even judge our own perceived performance - good mommy moment/bad mommy moment. And then there's that ever present mommy guilt lingering in the corners of our mind. Below is an article discussing just that and pointing out that good mothers aren't perfect mothers. Probably something a lot of us just need to be reminded of every once in a while.

The Good Enough Mother

By Elaine Heffner, CSW, Ed.D., pubished on pbs.org

Amy, the mother of a four-year-old boy, was upset. She had just had the final conference of the year with her son's nursery school teacher. She heard some really good things about her son; she heard that he is very bright, makes friends easily and is very well liked. But the teacher also told her that sometimes he gets silly and babyish. Sometimes when she works individually with the children, he refuses to work with her. So Amy worried about whether there was something wrong with her son and wondered what she might have done to create these "problems."
Why do mothers tend to think that everything is their fault?

As mothers, we want everything to be perfect for our children. More than that, we imagine we can make it so. Sometimes there are things we don't like about ourselves or our lives and blame our upbringing. We want to fix what we think went wrong with us and do it right for our children. If only we could be perfect mothers, we could create the perfect life for our children and they in turn would be perfect. But since children are not perfect, we think there must be something wrong with us – that we must be at fault.

Besides, everyone acts as if a mother is responsible for everything her child does. People glare at you in the supermarket if your child acts up – as if you don't know how to manage him. They make comments on the bus if your child is unruly. If your daughter protests loudly when you leave to go out in the evening the babysitter or your mother might think, "She never does that with me."

As if that isn't enough, there are so many theories about how children should be raised in order for them to become emotionally well-adjusted, smart, successful and happy. And mothers are the ones on the hot seat. Now that so much has been learned about brain development, mothers feel responsible for that too! Child development research from its beginnings has, too often, assigned mom the role of primary influence, responsibility – and blame!

The message mothers take from all of this is that there is a right way to do things, and if you do it the wrong way you will damage your child. Any problem must mean you are doing something wrong, and so it is your fault. To be a good mother, it seems as though you have to be perfect and never make any mistakes.

The trouble with this idea is that even if you were a perfect mother (if there ever were such a person), that's not what would be best for your child. Your child has to grow up to live in the real world, and the real world isn't perfect. A child can't expect always to have people around her who understand her or cater to her every wish. Children have to learn to share, take turns, wait for what they want and realize that other people have needs and moods, too. Having to learn this can be frustrating, so children act up in various ways to show their displeasure. They show their feelings by behaving in ways that adults don't always like, and sometimes lead mothers to believe that they have done something wrong to cause that behavior.

But what about Amy and the teacher's report? Was Amy responsible for her son's behavior? Well, only if you think it was her fault for having a second child (which, by the way, she did feel guilty about). Actually, her son's babyish behavior was his way of saying that he wanted some baby treatment — like being carried or drinking from a baby bottle – and didn't want to be considered a "big boy." When Amy realized that his behavior was saying something about him, rather than about her, she was able to find many ways to help him appreciate being four instead of still being a baby.

So being a good mother does not mean being a perfect mother. A good enough mother is good enough.

A good enough mother:

• loves her child but not all of his behavior.
• isn't always available to her child whenever he wants her.
• can't possibly prevent all her child's frustrations and moods.
• has needs of her own which may conflict with those of her child.
• loses it sometimes.
• is human and makes mistakes.
• learns from her mistakes.
• uses her own best judgment.

There are no perfect mothers and no perfect children. If we accept our own limitations, we are better able to accept those of our children and of life itself. In that way we become good enough mothers. And good enough mothers are the real mothers.

52 Character Building Thoughts for Children

I saw this on another multiple mom club blog and really liked it. Though it's written for the classroom, these are all things we can talk about at home as well.

Written by Leah Davies, M.Ed.

The following quotes may be used in a variety of ways by both teachers and counselors. One idea is for a thought to be posted, read, and discussed at the beginning of each week. It could then be read daily with the students. At the end of the week ask them what they learned or how the thought applied to their lives or activities during the week. Have the children give written or oral examples, or have them draw a picture to illustrate their ideas.

1. How I look is not as important as how I act.

2. I treat others the way I want them to treat me.

3. I am a good sport; I follow the rules, take turns and play fair.

4. It is okay to laugh at funny things, but not to laugh at others.

5. I do not gossip; if I cannot say anything helpful, I do not say anything at all.

6. When I am sad, I help myself feel better by thinking of things that are good in my life.

7. In order to have friends, I must act in a kind way.

8. I believe that I am someone who can do important things.

9. What I say and how I say it tells others the kind of person I am.

10. I appreciate my family, my teachers, and my school.

11. I treat everyone with respect.

12. When I listen, I show others that I care about them.

13. I am being a good citizen when I volunteer to help others.

14. I think for myself and make smart choices that are good for me.

15. Each day offers a new start to do my best.

16. I try to understand what my friends are feeling.

17. Everyone makes mistakes, so instead of getting angry with myself, I try to do better.

18. I do not give up; I keep trying until I can do my work.

19. Sharing with others makes me feel good and makes them feel good too.

20. I work out my problems without hurting myself or others.

21. I am being polite when I wait for my turn and say please and thank you.

22. When I smile at people, they usually smile back.

23. I encourage my friends to do their best.

24. My values guide me to do what is right.

25. I am honest; I do not cheat or steal.

26. When I am angry, I use self-control and do not hurt others.

27. I am being creative when I dance, draw, paint or write a poem or story.

28. I say, "No!" to things that could hurt my body like tobacco and alcohol.

29. When I do what I say I will do, I am being responsible.

30. I am grateful for what I have, so I share with others.

31. I try to learn something new each day.

32. When things do not go my way, I stop and think of what I can do to make them better.

33. I do not make fun of other children because I don't know what their life is like.

34. I feel successful when I do my best.

35. Everyone has good and bad feelings.

36. I take care of myself by eating healthy food, exercising and getting enough rest.

37. I am being punctual when I am on time and do not keep people waiting.

38. When I cooperate with others, I get more done.

39. I follow the rules and try to make my school a better place.

40. I like to get to know children who are different from me.

41. Since I tell the truth, my friends trust me.

42. I look for what is good in others and I say what I like about them.

43. I buy only what I need and I save my money.

44. When I use my time wisely, there is usually enough time to do what I want to do.

45. I think before I act; how I act affects how others treat me.

46. Using manners helps me keep my friends.

47. I have courage to stand up for children who are teased.

48. Before I do something, I ask myself, "Is it safe?"

49. I am me -- I do not try to be like someone else.

50. I care about living things on earth so I recycle and do not litter.

51. When I write down what I think and feel, I learn about myself.

52. I plan ahead and think about what I want to do when I grow up.

Article on "over-parenting"

Recently while in our lunchroom at work, where people bring in old magazines to share, a cover article on a magazine caught my eye. It was an article by Nancy Gibbs entitled "The Case Against Over-Parenting: Why Mom and Dad need to cut the strings" in the November 30, 2009 issue of Time magazine. Because just about any parenting article interests me, I scooped it up (and had to laugh out loud as I read it because I actually own a cookbook cited in this article, among other things). I thought the article was thought provoking in many ways and though a couple months old, worth sharing with the group.