Potty Training Advice

This potty training advice was posted on the Multiples and More blog this week.

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Expert Interview: Janeen Hayward on Potty Training

Tackling the issue of potty-training anytime soon? Today's expert interview will give you some helpful tips! We talked with Janeen Hayward of Swellbeing, an innovative company which provides parents with support via webinars, private consultation, and discussion groups.

L: There are many websites that say children can be potty trained at early ages- even younger than 12 months of age! Do you believe this is possible?

J: Yes, I do believe this is possible though it takes an early dedication to learning a baby's potty cues and taking a baby to a potty every time they indicate that they need to eliminate.

L: What do you consider the most important signs of “readiness” for potty-training? Do they all need to be present before starting the process?

J: I really think readiness is as much about the parents as it is the child. As with all new learning, the process goes most smoothly when the message is consistent.

My approach to potty training tends to be more child-directed, meaning that I prefer the idea that you teaching a child to use the potty when they show an interest (i.e. questions about parents' toileting). I also find that noticing longer periods of dryness between diaper change is a great sign to cue in to as it reflects greater bladder control.

As important as when to try is knowing when NOT to try. If there is a big change in the family (new caregiver, new baby, new job, new home, starting school), it is best to hold off on starting potty training. One of the way children respond to stressful situations is to regress in their behavior.

L: Do you think it makes sense to try to potty train multiples at the same time, or different times?

J: Clearly every child is different, but I think it is hard to train one and not the other, unless one twin shows NO interest and runs the other way. If that were to happen, fine. What if one child is definitely ready, and another is only semi-ready? The interesting thing about siblings is that they often help one another along, and doing the training simultaneously often seems more natural and preferred. Plus, with twins, you have the risk of splitting them into "the one who is potty trained" and "the one who isn't" and it's always good to avoid labels. Sure, one will get to the finish line first, but unless there are clear reasons to avoid training them at the same time, I'm all for it!

L: Once the decision to begin training has been made, what are the next steps?

J: 1. Let your child observe mom/dad using the potty and explain what is happening

2. Purchase a comfy floor potty and books and invite your child to participate

3. Take your child for regular visits to the potty to practice

4. Keep them interested and relaxed while on the potty (deep breathing exercises, games, books, bubbles, art, etc)

5. Praise your child's efforts and their particular stage in the process (that was good sitting! or you got the peepee in the potty, great! or good job remembering to wash your hands!)

L: If potty training is not going well, at what point should a parent give up, and just try again later?

J: Whenever there feels like there is a power struggle parents need to back off. Pick it up again in a week or two, unless your child re-engages the process first.

It seems to be rather common that kids might be ready to potty train, but it’s the parents who are not ready. Is there any harm in waiting a little longer if you are not ready to undertake the process? Well, there is research to support that the longer a child is in diaper, the greater their risk for urinary tract infections in the near and long term. Additionally, unless you change a child immediately after elimination, it isn't terribly hygienic to keep them in their diapers. Moreover, the longer children are used to using diapers to eliminate, the harder it can be for them to give them up.

And, of course, there is always the cost of the diapers as well as the cost to the environment.

L: Do you recommend the use of rewards, such as treats or stickers as positive reinforcement?

J: Only if you are struggling to get the process jump-started. Internal motivation (feeling proud) is MUCH longer lasting and motivating than external rewards. That said, many families have great success using something small. What I strongly advise against is holding a present a child really wants over them as a reward for using the potty. It is manipulative and doesn't feel good to the child and often backfires.

L: Are setbacks (accidents) common once a child has been accident-free for a few weeks or months?

J: Certainly! Children often get lost in play and either forget to go to the potty or refuse to. How should parents handle these? Parents should be calm and comforting. "It's ok sweetie. Accidents happen. Let's get cleaned up and you can get back to your trains. Next time remember to use the potty when you get that potty feeling."

L: Do you have any other advice regarding potty training, that is specific to parents of multiples?

J: Be very careful not to compare them to one another. As you've liked experienced many times, one will reach a milestone before the other, but they both ultimately get there.

L: What do you think are the most common mistakes that parents make when attempting to potty-train their children?

J: They insist that children sit on the potty for lengthy periods of time, or until they produce something. This is a great way to create an aversion to the potty. The process can be lengthy for many children and it is often wrought with many frustrations twists and turns, but it is important for parents to continue to view themselves as a teacher and continue to encourage children so they don't decide to quit trying.

L: What resources would you recommend for parents who need more support and information regarding potty training?

J: swellbeing.com! We offer webinars on toilet training, as well as private consultations.

Janeen Hayward is a licensed clinical mental health counselor in the states of New York and Illinois and certified Gottman Educator. She graduated from the Illinois School of Professional Psychology with a Master's Degree in Clinical Psychology. In graduate school, Janeen counseled children and adolescent survivors of sexual abuse, many of whom were teen parents. Upon graduating, she directed a training program for graduate students in clinical psychology at a grade school in Chicago, offering play therapy and group counseling to school-aged children. This is where the seeds of swellbeing were sown; the idea being the best way to help children is to help their parents. After working in that school-based program for three years, she moved to New York City and has been working with new and expecting parents on infant and toddler sleep issues and adjusting to new parenthood, ever since. She is the proud mother of a daughter.

Potty training - we're ready, but need advice.

Question from a CMOTC mom:
We are definitely without question ready for potty training! My girls are two and a half and have decided they cannot stand diapers. And I'm pretty sick of them too! Anyone ever tried the potty boot camp method? I would love any advice on that or anything else you did that worked!


Advice/experience from CMOTC moms:

We used the 3 day potty training guide, is that the same as the boot camp one? A bit of advice that I wished I had done is potty train one for a day or 2 minimum, then focus on the second child. I tried to do both at once and it was chaos and we ended up quitting. Or, if you think that will be difficult wait until the weekend when you have your husband around. You will both need to be focused 100% on each child when you are doing it. They will be going potty so frequently, you will no sooner get one on the potty to pee and the other one will be peeing in the other room and you've missed that opportunity. We stayed in the same room with the potties super close for the first few days.

My boys are 3 1/2 and we are still working on it with one child, but his brother is trained. Good luck!!

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I have 2 sets of twins and did this for both:

• Know you are NOT going anywhere for a few days and then start.
• Only underwear. No pull ups.
• Expect 100% mistakes on day one.
• You never get mad at them. Just explain where they could have done instead.
• It's the perfect weather for this. Be outside as much as possible and really push liquids. All they want. It will make them need to go more and therefore have more opportunities to practice.

For my kids, each day they did better until they just had a few mistakes. Mine were night dry before day dry so not sure where they are on that if you think they are physically capable of only wearing underwear to bed.

Important: if by 3-5 days they are still 100% mistakes, then stop and speak nothing of it for a few weeks and then start over.

I had 2 different personalities for each set. One needed to be told to go or they got busy and forgot.

They only needed to go on their terms for success. You know your kids and want they need.
This method worked for both of my sets, but the 'reminders' were different.

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My girls did great with the 3 day potty training method. For us, it worked perfectly and I recommend it. It really was pretty well done within 3 days. http://www.3daypottytraining.com/

It is intense, but works. Basically, you completely get rid of all diapers and the child helps you throw them away (later I took them out and gave to another mom....) and they stay in underwear. You stay home for the 3 days as much as possible and they pretty much just wear t-shirts and undies. She uses positive reinforcements and tells you exactly what to say to them and how to do it. The only thing I did different is she believes you can potty train them at night too but I feel that will come naturally on its own. So, what I did, was I bought pullups and called them "bed time panties" so they wouldn't associate them with diapers (I had never put them in pull ups to that point and then ONLY used them for bedtimes). Within a couple months, they were dry at night too on their own.

I potty trained my boys without much good knowledge on the topic and it took them both till they were 3 1/2 (despite starting at 2) and it was awful. I really liked this program because she explained a lot of how they think during the process. It may not work for everyone, I don't know, but for us and several others I know it worked! I did it when they were 2 years 4 months.

Good luck!

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My boys were about 2 1/2 when we started. It took about 2 weeks for them to really get the hang of it. I admit that having them in daycare made things easier for me (although I bought the teachers lots of donuts and pizza that month!). They had a lot of peers to model and, more importantly, they wanted to play on the big kid side of the playground -- the "big side," with cool scooters and bigger tricycles, was for potty-trained kids only. At home, we used a sticker chart and new skateboard-style scooters as motivation. The scooters, still in the boxes, were displayed on the hearth. After so many stickers, they could take them out of the boxes and touch them, after another goal we marked them with names, and finally they got to ride, Find something that your girls will work for. The traditional M&Ms reward did nothing for my kids. My mother swears I was potty trained almost instantly once she bought me fancy-pants undies with lace on the butt because I didn't want to get them dirty.

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My five year old singleton was like your twins at their age. He had interest, but a lot of transitions during this time that set him back. Once it all calmed down he started going again but went back and forth. Eventually we did something the daycare suggested right before I had the twins and he was still in daycare, which was to just let him be in underwear and change him when he had accidents. When they told me I thought that was horrible (for the child). Of course it could have been the hormones, no sleep and all that good stuff from the twins, but I remember being like "no way!" Fast forward a few months and well, I was all for it. LOL.

It ended up being the only thing that worked for him. He hated to be wet, so he learned quickly with this method. Previously we had done a treat bag filled with books, cars and fruitabu (organic fruit leather)... only he was too good. He was able to eek out a marble sized #2 every time he wanted something. Meaning, if we restocked with a few good books he wanted, he would go to the bathroom, produce a " marble" get a book, read it, go back to the bathroom, produce a marble, get the next book, read it, then decide he wanted a fruitabu, produce the "marble"... well you get the picture. How any one can control their bowls like that, I don't know. But clearly if he was in such control, he just needed some aggressive potty training. So we went to the other method (just putting him in underwear) and within a week he was potty trained. That said, he desired it and had the interest whereas my twin boys (just shy of THREE!) do not - I try (though I am work full time) - they have no interest whatsoever. I think that method might work for your twins, because they don't want to wear diapers and clearly have interest. But then, other methods that require less laundry might work too. Every child is different. You'll know what is best for yours once you try some things.

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We introduced the potty idea early. My husband would talk about "one day when she got bigger she would put her pee and poop in the potty" when he would change her diapers (maybe that was more for him than her. HaHa). As she got older I would talk about what I was doing when she followed me into the bathroom "mommy is making pee pee on the potty (sing song)". Once she started walking we purchased her own potty that she could sit on or put her babies on.

When summer came (just before her 2nd birthday) we went bottomless (at home of course). She had maybe two accidents, then got the idea and started going to her potty all by herself!

That was not the end! She quickly learned to hold her pee until nap time then would flood her bed once she had a diaper on. I tried getting her to use the potty before nap-time but she wouldn't. BTW-- we knew she was ready since she had the ability to "hold" her pee. The next step might not have worked if we didn't know she was really ready - all babies are ready at different times- its not just an intellectual issue but also a physiological one. (so be patient)

So here's what we did next- she had a thing for coins (which we never let her play with for obvious reasons), but she always seemed to find them & Grandpa would give them to her too. To solve the coin problem, I picked up a "sheep" piggy bank. Since she liked "feeding" her sheep so much we decided to use that as her potty reward. She was very compassionate so when she didn't want to go for herself the sheep would (in my most pitiful sheep voice) ask for a coin PLEASE b/c he was hungry. After she used the potty, she could feed her sheep and he would be SO thankful he would jump up & down & give her BIG kisses and say "THANK YOU!".

That is what put us over the hump! She will be three in September. We use a diaper only at night and have very few accidents.

A word of caution about using food as a reward, from a mommy who has struggled with food issues: Please reconsider using food as rewards for anything (potty training, finishing dinner, etc...). It sets up food or treats with a special significance it was never intended to have. Food is for feeding our bodies not rewards. I'm 35 and am still struggling. Give me a tough day and you better stand back from the choc-chip cookies! I still remember my mom showing pity for a bad day with a warm cookie and glass of milk. It wasn't the cookie that made me feel better, but my mom's compassion. Food affects us on more than just an emotional level it also produces chemical reactions in our bodies which reinforces what is going on in our brain (a double whammy so to speak).

Happy Potty Training!

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Anyone else have more advice/experience to add? Please share by commenting below or sending an email to columbusmultiples@gmail.com.

Potty training - Is it too early?

Question from a CMOTC MOM:

I am wondering if 17 months is too early to start potty training. I never would have dreamed of doing it this early, but my boys are ripping off their diapers pretty consistently. I try to keep them in clothes, but they rip off pants or just pull the diapers through the pant leg on onesies. Is it time to potty train? Any advice on timing for potty training, and also on how to potty train would be very helpful!


Advice/experience offered from CMOTC MOMs:

Duct Tape. One piece footless pjs worn backwards and pin the zipper with a diaper pin. I think at one time we did a backwards onesie, backwards pjs, AND tape. We would tape from front to back, then go around the waist, making sure to end the tape in the back. Some like clear packing tape. Use bandage scissors to cut the tape at diaper changes.

I wouldn't attempt potty training at that age. You'll be more frustrated. MOST kids aren't ready until after their 2nd birthday, and many aren't ready until closer to 3.

You could start reading books about it (adult and children), let them see trusted adults "do their thing", maybe even put a potty chair in the bathroom for the unexpected surprise. Put them on the potty chair right before getting in the bathtub. But I wouldn't do anything formal until they are verbal and can follow multi-step instructions. It's A LOT to remember.

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My kids did that too. Its a phase. One of them just now got over it. I literally had them in footie pj's with the pin all day until we planned to go somewhere. Luckily, the last hold out got over it just in time for warmer clothes since all of our zip up PJ's are fleece. (She started a new phase but that's a whole other story) I've heard that if you start them too early with potty training it will take longer in the long run. 17 months is waaaay too early in my opinion. I started vaguely at 22 months, but even now at 26 months, its not really time for my girls.

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We too used duct tape--eventually going completely around their diaper twice--even during the day. Also onesies backwards and footless zip up pajamas worn backwards (or footed--one size too big so you can twist the feet around) and then diaper pins upside down or to the inside if you can. I had one of my trio who has always been extremely good with fine motor control and could pick at duct tape and even undo diaper pins at a very early age. She also was a monkey and would climb out of her crib over to the next one and undo the other two's pjs, pins and duct tape for them. Very frustrating! And secretly very funny! I can't tell you how many times we came into their room in the morning or after naps to find more than one naked (sometimes still asleep!)

Thankfully we only came into a poop-fest one time and it was pretty well contained to the sheets and kids. I've heard of very very messy ones (and seen photos) though so I would get going with the duct tape ASAP if I were you! :)

Also, I'm a believer in wait-until-they-are-ready potty training. You will know. And it may save you a lot of grief in the long run. One of mine was just waiting for another to show interest and then she was ready that day too. So two were done within a day or two of starting. It was really pretty simple at that point.

On the other hand, my third went on for another 5-6 months past the other two being done potty training and she was still refusing to do it and saying, "No thank you, I like my diaper". But the moment she decided to do it she was DONE. Never an accident either way, ever. It was her decision and true to herself that is how she is in everything she does. 'In her timing.' All the talking about it in the world wouldn't have mattered one bit. Every child is so different. Use your judgement and know that if you lose your patience during the process too much, they may sense your frustration and use it to their advantage and drag the training time out longer than necessary.

One last thing, we never used potty chairs/seats except in the car on trips. Some people like them for around the house though but don't feel like you have to do it if you aren't sure about it. (The mess of potential potty spilling everywhere just wasn't appealing to me...) My kids instead just figured out how to sit on the big potty right away by themselves. I bought several little plastic stools (one for each bathroom) that they could use to climb up with and use at the sink too. Our stools were like this ebay one (non-skid & easy to wash).

Good luck! And trust your instincts but invest in several rolls of duct tape for now!

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If you check out books from the library, you'll get a feel for what "ready" really is. For mine, taking off diapers was more about being able to undo the velcro tab and had nothing to do with an understanding of toileting or bodily functions. Like another mom said, we also had one with more advanced fine motor skills, and she would "assist" the others. I think toileting readiness is really about following the multi-step process and understanding cause and affect of the feeling, then the action. I've potty-trained 5, and some were easier than others. I'm certainly no expert, but I did learn with the first one that it shouldn't be frustrating. When you are getting angry and frustrated, then it's not time. The kids will pick up on it. My oldest didn't completely train until he was a bit over 4. He had #1 down as an older 3, but #2 was difficult for him and he soiled during the day quite often. A couple of my girls were fairly reliable before their 3rd birthday (about 2y10m, and the last was #1 trained at 3y1m, but consistently did #2 in her bedtime pullup until she was about 3.5. She was easy-peasy to #1 train. We knew she knew what she was doing with #2. She NEVER soiled her underwear, just saved it up for the bedtime pullup. We let her go with that until she was more comfortable with the "big girl" challenges of preschool, then we gently helped her to be comfortable going in the toilet.

You'll really get to know your kids and their learning style when you take it on. And one thing I learned from a mom of quints is that it's OK to teach them 1 at a time. We actually started with 2, because those 2 are quite competitive and it would have caused melt downs if one couldn't do what the other was doing. But the other 2 were happy to wait their turns. So you may find that one of your boys is more interested before the other, and that's OK. It's actually easier, I think. But if they are competitive, you can use that to your advantage too.


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I bought potty chairs when my boys were 18 months just so they got to know what going to the potty was all about. I didn't actively start with them until they were close to 2 1/2 though. They didn't really show too much interest before then. They thought it was neat to sit on the potty but that wore off. I would get them to sit on their potties naked before bath or just periodically during the day but that was about the extent of it.

Even at almost 2 1/2 it was still a little frustrating at times but at some point they just "got it"! Now at 3 1/2 I have one boy who is completely diaper free (both boys have been diaper free during the day for a long while but at night would still require a diaper) and the other is still working on the night time diaper thing.

Someone else mentioned the potty seat and possibly not even going there. If I had to do it all over again I may not have even bought potty chairs. The only reason is that it's messy. Every time the pee you have to dump pee and clean it and then when they poop... well... I'm sure you could imagine having to clean up after that!!! I will say that I have been happy with the Bjorn potty's sold at Babies R' Us. The bigger one's, not the little one's. The big one's have an insert which makes cleaning A LOT easier.

Spring/summer is also a great time to potty train. They can run around in just underwear and socks (socks help if they do pee themselves by absorbing some of the liquid as gross as that sounds) or completely naked. Then you can "catch" them if you see them start to go. When you seriously start I would take them into the bathroom every 20 mins or so and get them to sit on he potty. It is a time consuming process but once they get it it is glorious!!!

We also used M&M's as rewards. They would get two if they peed and 5 if they pooped (since for my boys pooping was the tougher one). Some people prefer not to use treats and prefer to use a sticker chart to work towards a prize. Whatever works for you and your little one's! Mine didn't care for stickers but loved the M&M's :)

Good luck and try to just take it one day at a time when you do start. You WILL have frustrating days that seem like they will never get the hang of it but they will!!!

Oh... one last thing... in regards to Pull Ups. We used those for awhile but I think the absorbency on them is so good now that it didn't really phase them too much when they would have an accident. Just a thought. That's when we went the naked or just underwear route. We had more laundry to do but I honestly think they caught on quicker after we stopped the Pull Ups. I am no expert and every child is different so this is just my two bits!

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My guys potty trained early at about 2.25 years and were in underwear overnight at about 2.75 years!! By most standards that is really early. I think 17 months sounds really early but if they are interested int he potty then go for it!! My guys would also remove their diapers and it drove me nuts because the bed and clothes were wet and sometimes the diapers were not!!! We used Duct tape at bedtime to keep the diapers on and made sure the seam was in the back. they were like houdini sometimes....one time the diaper was off but the onsie was still snapped at the bottom!! hahahaha! The duct tape was great!!. I used pullups for a while because they could pull them down if necessary but they weren't so great if they pooped - because you had to pull them down and eveything got pulled down their legs!! what a bonus! Until I figured out that when they pooped I would just rip down the side to take it off like a regular diaper. I liked the pampers easy ups because they were a little smaller and my guys were smaller around.

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Do you have any advice to offer? Please share? Do you have any great potty training resources? Please share below or email us.